• Sumo

Too Many Choices

I went out at the weekend to buy some new jeans. I thought this was a straightforward task, after all how difficult could it be when virtually every fashion store has jeans? Actually I quickly discovered that it is an absolute nightmare! I know fashions change and let’s face it I am old enough to have seen a few and then see them come back in again, but the market is now congested with literally hundreds of different colours, fabrics, cuts and price points. Here is my best advice for choosing jeans pursuant to my recent expedition:

High Rise or Low Rise

I know it sounds like a building project but the rise is actually the distance between the hip and the waist of the jeans. The current trend is for the low rise variety but do be careful! This style does not flatter fat backsides and rounded midriffs. There is nothing worse than the sight of stomach folds hanging over a waistband, or builders arse syndrome. If you do not possess a slim and youthful figure avoid low rise styles like the plague!

The Fit

Here it gets really complicated! In the old days better known as the 80s the trend was for fairly straight jeans like 501s. These not too tight fitting styles do still exist but with different varieties. You can go for simple straight legs, in other words legs that are pretty much the same width all the way down, or you could opt for boot cut jeans which unsurprisingly are a little wider at the bottom to accommodate wearing boots. Flares are also out there but this 70s throw back style (yes I can remember that too) are unflattering on people with narrow hips as they knock them out of proportion. You could also opt for the skinny look. Sadly this does not mean they make you look thinner, quite the opposite if you are of a fuller figure. These body huggers are often made of stretch material and show every lump and bump. They can also make skinny people look sparrow legged. Definitely a style for the physically blessed!

loose jeans

The Colour

To me jeans have always been fashioned from denim which is blue isn’t it? Not anymore! Jeans can now be just about any colour you can think of. If you want to stand out then fuchsia pink and scarlet are available although bear in mind that darker colours suit fuller figures better and if you are of a certain age then neon colours could look a little daft. If you are young and beautiful then go for it!

Blue Jeans

Even the traditional blue denim is now on offer in several different shades and levels of distress. There is dark blue, light blue and stone washed (visions of a semi naked Nick Kamen now coming to mind). As for the distressed look, apart from the one on my face when shopping, some jeans are sold creased, ripped, aged or stained. It seems to me that these are all looks one could achieve yourself by simply dragging a pair behind your car or by wearing them whilst decorating. Gosh I could make it rich with my unique one-off designs!

Price Point

The last two decades have seen a huge amount of designer labels entering the jeans market. This has broadened the choice of styles on offer but also the prices. High street, chain store jeans are relatively low cost, usually around £30. Designer jeans from the likes of Gucci and Dolce and Gabbana can cost up to £1000. I am obviously a fashion Philistine as I can’t see how a pair of jeans could be that much better, unless they are customised is which case do it yourself ! There are even jeans made by a label called Scarlett Circus which incorporate diamonds! OK so use rhinestones on your DIYs.


All I can say is that I ended my shopping trip with a rather nice pair of well-fitting jeans that suited my shape and did not cost the earth and if I ever feel they are too boring I can throw paint at them or hang beads and feathers off them. At least it doesn’t matter if they don’t prove to be hard wearing, rips are cool! My best advice if you out to buy jeans is to chose something you can afford and that flatters your figure and try not to get too stressed looking!

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