My wife tries her best to be subtle, she really does. Like the time she wanted to let me know that I could perhaps consider spending less time in the pub in the evenings. To get her point across she stole my phone and sent messages to all my mates telling them that I had joined the Hare Krishna movement and couldn’t go the pub anymore so they shouldn’t bother asking me.
After that she made sure that I started to lose weight by throwing the biscuits I brought home straight into the bin. This is almost acceptable with Custard Creams and those Rich Tea things which are of no use to man or beast but one day she chucked out my Jaffa Cakes and that really upset me. If a man can’t enjoy a bit of orangey, spongy and chocolaty goodness when he gets home from work I don’t know what the world’s coming to. Anyway, I lost some weight even if I wasn’t particularly happy about the methods which she employed.
At this point I have to admit that her interventions tend to do the trick and I have come to respect my wife’s opinions as being well worth taking, even if I haven’t ever actually said this to her at any point.
With this track record it was a miracle that she bit her tongue so long before laying into my clothing. When we first met I have to confess that fashion wasn’t one of my biggest concerns. Sure, I bought myself new attire every now and then but a bargain pair of trousers was always going to win out over a more expensive pair of designer jeans, even if the jeans looked better on me.
When she finally got round to mentioning the subject of my clothing it seems that she had been trying to guide me into trendy clothes shops for weeks and I hadn’t even noticed. She ended up with no option but to spell it out to me; you need to bury all your clothes in a deep hole or burn them. I was a bit offended at first to be honest. Was my fashion sense so bad that there was no solution other removing the contents of my wardrobe from the face of the earth once and for all?
To make her point she took me to her favourite clothing shop. I had always been intimidated by these sorts of places where clothes cost more than £30 and there seem to be more shop assistants than items on sale. I had gone into this kind of store by mistake a couple of times and I always felt that the staff looked at me as you might look at a small insect which is lucky you don’t step on it to end its miserable and pointless existence.
Anyway, this time I saw the place differently and really enjoyed trying on different items of clothing. I had never realised before just how good it feels to slip on some top class gear. I bought a couple of pairs of jeans that day and then things got even better when we went on the internet. It is so easy to buy excellent clothes online that we spent ages looking for shirts and jumpers for me.
Now I am almost teetotal (if there is such a thing as being almost teetotal), in better shape than ever before and I even dress like someone who knows his way around the fashion world rather than a man who has never owned a mirror. If only she could learn to be a bit more subtle things would be perfect.
If you need a new style then you will find that great jeans, rugby shirts and jackets are easy to find on the internet.